This is the year 2014 which sits exactly halfway between the major election cycle in American politics. It is that time when just as we are thrilled that we have recovered from the previous cycle's negativity and have finally gotten all the dirt out of those sneaky, hidden crevices that we find the pre election skirmish lines are being sent out to "soften" the ground for the next cycle's negativity and campaign of mud.
Just as in a battle or a war, the competing ancient militaries used to send out skirmishers and modern armies attempt to "prepare" and "soften" the ground with artillery, the political parties begin to probe and "feel out" (relax ladies Bill Clinton cannot be everywhere, you are probably safe for the time being) the atmosphere of country.
We get to look forward to dodging mud and have learned to bunker down with plenty of hand sanitizer and Handi Wipes.
This is otherwise known as the American Political "Super Bowl" Pre Game, and endless, droning period filled with the history of politics, both parties, and they know best and have our best interests at heart.. just trust them.
In this year's version of the pre game, I am hearing various hopeful candidates make their claims that they are ready to be President. Really? You are ready? What makes you ready? What makes anyone ready to be President?
What are the qualifications needed to be ready? And where is the mendoza line or preparation and qualification? We are sorry you have great credentials and plenty of accomplishments but you are only at the proverbial .200 average and thus you aren't ready, but hey since we don't want to lose such a promising candidate we have spot for you in our platform-would you consider running for the local school board?
Just how much foreign policy experience is needed? You say you once took a vacation to Europe and backpacked through France? Well come on down. You say you can at least find Europe on a map? Come on down. You say you can at least spell Europe? Sorry, say have you considered running for the local school board?
How about national policy experience? You pay your taxes? That will probably stump them since they have never had such a person come through their pipeline before and have no clues how to handle you. You voted in the previous elections? Great, but how many times in those elections did you vote? If you answer once you are lazy, if you answer 2 or 3 they will ask if you are quitter, and if you answer more than 5 they will consider you from Chicago and move you to the front of the line. You say you love guns and that you own half the Soldier of Fortune catalog? Righteous, Rush Limbaugh and Rick Perry on Line 1.
How about previous political office holding experience? You can't have too little because you will tend to actually listen to your constituents and vote the way they want you to and we can't have that in politics. You also can't have too much because that means you are older and you will tend to actually listen to no one, or you will forget what you just said and wonder where your jello cup went. If you are from Chicago you can disregard most of this last section because you have obviously learned by now to do whatever the bosses tell you or have ignored the bosses and will never be found anyway.
Now we get to the Hollywood influence. Just how much influence in Hollywood do you have? How many stars and celebrities do you know or can you bring to endorse you? Hell, why even bother with this one, if you don't already know Oprah you might as well hang it up now. You don't stand a chance.
So just exactly what makes one ready to be President? And how can ANYONE possibly know this this far out? Pretty simple actually. If you aren't from Chicago or at least have Oprah in your corner (which let's face it is pretty much the same thing anyway) you can forget it. But have patience, wait a couple years till it starts all over again and maybe this time Texas will be the new Chicago or maybe all that sucking up to Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity as well as stocking your gun cabinet will finally pay off.
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